There was a time I had a purpose, an aim. Now I do not know why I even exist. For what? For whom? For what purpose?
Memories are what I have now. They are my greatest enemy, my innermost demons. They do not fade. No matter how long it has been, they still prick the inside of me, every single second. The pain, it never fades, it lingers. It hurts.
Memories do not fade. Especially the painful ones.
The project has been delayed, again and again. This waiting is really the enthusiasm in me. I hope when it finally starts, I still have the energy required.
Things seem to be aimless now. Like a boat with the motor dead, I am just allowing the sea currents to carry the boat.I do not know which direction to sail the boat towards. There is no motivation even to find any direction.
Unmotivated. Directionless. Aimless.
He smiled as the villagers thanked him again and again. The job of clearing the minor vampire infestation at the local village’s graveyard was not that difficult, a few well placed fireballs were sufficient enough. In truth, he really wanted to be back in his tower to clean up the stench.
After promising to visit the village whenever he can, he waved to the villagers before mumbling a familiar spell. There was the ever slight vertigo as he is transported back to his hidden tower.
After cleaning up, he sat down before the fireplace, with a wooden mug of ale in his hand, allowing his mind to drift off slowly.
‘How was your day?’, a deep and rough voice whispered.
It was a familiar voice to him. He takes a sip at the ale, ignoring the voice.
‘You can’t run away from me, you know.’
Sighing, he turns around.
‘There is no place you can hide from me, I am your demon after all.’
He looked at the demon, a towering fiery figure, with huge wings on its back.
‘You are not the only demon that belongs to me, you do know that right?’, he said smiling, as he turns to look at the army of demons surrounding him.
‘You can’t run nor hide. You will have to face us eventually.’
Smiling yet again, he said, ‘I have given up running. I have given up hiding. I have come to the conclusion that the best way to deal with you all is to treat you all as my best friends.’
The first burning gate was finally opened. It took a lot of effort, and after a few weeks of trying, it was finally opened. He stepped through the first gate, the bluish flame still burning fiercely around the gate and approaches the second gate. The second gate burns with a yellowish flame and he can feel the intense heat radiating from the second gate. He is quite confident though that it will be a matter of days, before the second gate is opened too.
And then he will walk into the realm of oblivion. A realm filled with trecherous traps, mountains with rocks so sharp they can slice through the thickest mithril boots, oceans so wide that it will take the strongest ships manned by a whole army of slaves to row through. A realm filled with hordes of hell fire spouting demons, fire blasting imps, succubus, banshees and other beings that exist only in the worst nightmates. A realm with both intense heat and freezing snow. A realm that few mortals will dare to venture in, let alone survive.
But this is his destiny. It is his destiny to survive in the realm of oblivion, and ensuring the small party that he will be leading survive too. He will have to rely all the armour, weapons, spells and crafts to fend off against whatever the realm of oblivion throws at him. He also have to encourage, motivate and care for the people in his party to ensure that they too will be able to protect themselves.
And hopefully, after surviving in the realm of oblivion for more than two years, he will finally find the legendary epic Elixir of Life. It is rumoured to exist at the other end of the realm, and he hopes that it really do exist, and when he finally finds it, it will be worth it.
But for now, there is the question of opening the second burning gate.
I was trying to catch as much rest as possible before the project starts. As such, I decided to work from home the whole of last week.
I do not have a desk in the office, and most of the time I was working from clients’ site. I only go back to the office to do administrative work, like submitting my claims, doing the financial side of projects etc. So I can pretty work anywhere I want, be it at home, or at Starbucks etc, as long as I can access my emails and contactable on phone. Besides, my company does have a work from home policy, and actually encourages us to do it.
After 1 week, I discovered the following:
All in all, working from home is pretty good. I am still as productive as I am when I am working from clients’ site. I find myself less stressed which I think is because of the comfortable and familiar environment. However, I do miss the social aspect of working at client’s site. I do not have anyone to joke with, or talk about stuff that is not related to work. Pros and cons.
I have yet to decide if I should continue doing this.
Thought of starting a series of posts regarding items that bring back memories for me.
Pineapple Water
I am not too sure how pineapple water is made. It does have some pineapple taste in it, and always contains slices of pineapple. On a hot and humid day, I always feel refresh after drinking it.
Many years ago back when I was in primary school, my mother always bring my sister and me over to the Queenstown Library, to encourage us to pick up the reading habit, which I did. After each session, she will bring us over to the Margaret Drive hawker centre to buy a packet of pineapple drink. I will be happily drinking it, the library books in my hands, as we walked to the bus stop to take a bus home. These sessions were always something that I look forward to, and whenever I drink pineapple water now, it always reminded me of the pleasant memories I had of the library.
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Perhaps it is not too early to start writing down such memories. I will never know when such memories start to fade.
It has begun, well, sort of.
It is pretty close to confirmation. Questions fly to and fro, time spent pouring through every reply, every document sent. Every decision made is with the blessing of the management so there will be no screwups during this critical period.
In the midst of these hectic activities, planning has to be done. Resources have to be allocated, human resource has to be notified to initiate the hiring process. Roles have to be assigned, and approval seek from management. One thousand and more tasks that need to be planned. And this is only the beginning.
Realised that one must wear multiple hats, business, operational, technical, infrastructure, security and so forth. And the most important hat of all, diplomat.
Much things can be accomplished with diplomacy. Knowing how to play the game, what to say at the right time, is half the battle won.
The next two to three years will be a good measurement of the pain threshold. How much abuse, how much pain, how much suffering before the question is asked,
Is it worth it?
As the project seems more and more likely to go ahead, I am faced with a dilemma. It seems very possible that we will not be bringing in extra resources for this project. The key project members will be filled with the current resources.
After going through the possible candidates from the current resources, I found that no one was suitable. They each have their own strengths, but it is their weaknesses that makes them unsuitable to take up the key role. I know that it will be a good chance for them to shine in this key role, as it will help with their career, but unfortunately, their weaknesses are just too glaring to ignore.
I can try to bring one of them in, but then there is too much at stake here. The other option will be to bring in extra resources for this project by going out to hire. This will mean I have to put forward my justification for hiring, and I have to ensure that when I explain why the current possible candidates are not suitable, I am not jeopardising their career.
Dilemma even before the project starts. More to come.
It was one of the better working trips. I was not required to give any presentation, nor any demonstration for this trip to Hong Kong and China. I was there to observe and listen. The stress was much lesser compared to my previous working trips.
The food was good, the wine was good, and the company was not too bad either. The clients were happy, joking, and talking with us. My bosses seem happy too. All in all, it was a pretty good working trip.
The hotel that I stayed in was a bit old, but I chose a better room, so it came with a harbour view, and the Hong Kong night lights from my room was breathtaking. I regretted not bringing a camera for this trip, instead I had to rely on my Nokia N95 to take a few shots.
And after everything, as I sit on the sofa beside the window looking out at the Victoria Harbour, that familiar feeling slowly sip through the walls. The familiar places, the familiar food must have triggered it.
Taking a deep breath, and then sighing wistfully, I decided to join my bosses in the pub below for a few drinks. I have long told myself that no matter how thick I built the walls, it will never be able to completely block out everything. I just have to learn to ignore whatever that sips through the walls.