• Ramblings

    Think Positive

    January 3, 2010

    Re-reading my previous post, it seems to me that I have been pretty negative. Well it is the new year, and one should always look forward to a new year.

    As such, I shall look forward to the new year. Sure, the SOC Feeling is still there, but I should think positive. I should learn to take things less seriously, and learn to make lemonade from all the lemons life throw at me.

    I only live this life once, and no matter how life tries to beat me down, kick me as I lie on the ground, strangle me, knock me out, I shall look at life in the eyes and laugh.

    So with me roughly reaching the half way mark of my lifespan, it is time to ensure the next half of my life will be much better than the first half.

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  • Ramblings

    The New Year

    January 2, 2010

    Well now, this is the end of the decade, and the beginning of a new one, as they say. Which actually brings up an interesting point, shouldn’t the decade starts with the year ending in 1, and ends with the year ending in 0? If that is the case, the decade should end in 2010, instead of 2009.

    Whatever is the case, a new year is upon me. The feeling I have now of the new year is best described as what I termed ‘The SOC Feeling‘. The SOC here means ‘Standard Obstacle Course’. Back when I was serving my nation for 2 1/2 years, we had to complete regularly this Standard Obstacle Course. We put on our uniforms, boots, helmet, our webbing, and our M16. We run 700m, followed by eleven obstacles, after which it is another 800m run to the end. The SOC was simply a torture, a case of mind over body. No matter how fit one was, one is bound to go through pain. While the Individual Physical Proficiency Test was to gauge how fit one was, the SOC was to gauge how much pain one can endure.

    The SOC Feeling came during the initial few months of my 2 1/2 years. We had to complete the SOC within a certain time period, and if we do not make it, we are to remove 1 item of our gear, rest for a few minutes, and go through the entire SOC again within another time period. And if we still do not complete it within the time period, we are the remove another item of our gear, rest for a few minutes, and go for our third SOC for that morning and so on. Suffice to say, most people cannot even clear the obstacles during the second SOC. And we do this 5 times a week, for a few weeks. The SOC Feeling is the feeling that I get, when I am waiting for my turn to run the SOC. It is like having millions of butterflies in the stomach, knowing that I will embark on a journey that will subject my body and mind to perverse pain. And wishing that I was at the end of the SOC instead.

    2010 will be like running SOC every day. Many challenges, many obstacles, and much pain. 2010 will be a year where my mind, my body and my soul will be subjected to abuse and pain. As the year 2010 begins, I am like waiting for my turn to run the SOC, with the dreaded and familiar SOC Feeling. And wishing the year 2010 will end already.

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  • Interests, Hobbies, Geekdom,  Ramblings

    Trying To Buy Back A Piece of My Childhood

    December 12, 2009

    Amazon finally delivered my copy of LEGO Star Wars: The Visual Dictionary. While flipping through it, I noticed one of the first LEGO Star Wars set is that of the Landspeeder set.

    The Landspeeder is a significant piece of vehicle in the Star Wars galaxy. I remembered when it first appeared in the movie Star Wars Epsiode IV : A New Hope, Luke Skywalker was driving one. As a young kid, it left such an impression on me that I told myself I wanted the Landspeeder toy. However, we were very poor then, and my parents could never afford any Star Wars toys for me.

    I was very disappointed then, and I remembered one fine day when I was playing downstairs in the grass patch, I found an abandoned Landspeeder toy. The figurines that came with it were missing, but overall the toy was pretty intact.

    I remembered spending hours playing with it, picturing myself as Luke Skywalker. Very fond memories.

    SW-LandspeederMISBSomehow as I grew up, I must have misplaced this toy, and it was lost. I decided last night to search through eBay, and to my surprise, there are a few copies of this toy, almost in mint condition for sale. I am still considering if I should bid for one as it costs quite a tidy sum.

    It is like trying to buy back a piece of my childhood.

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  • Ramblings

    Superman

    November 28, 2009

    HBO was showing the movie Superman, the classic movie where Christopher Reeve was Superman.

    Even though the movie was released in 1978, that is 31 years ago, I remembered vividly the day where my whole family went to watch it in the cinema.

    I remembered my mother telling me about it days before. I remembered waiting in anticipation for it. I remembered feeling overwhelmed by the giant poster of the movie at the front of the cinema. I remembered I was quite confused at the end of the movie, wondering how Superman made Lois Lane alive again, as I was very sure she was killed.  I remembered walking out of the cinema feeling very happy, and my parents asking me if I liked the movie, which I did. I remembered telling my parents that from then on, my name was Christopher. That name stayed with me till now.

    I remembered walking happily along the road to take a bus home, with huge trees on one side of the road. I remembered the cinema was called Odeon, which has being torn down, with a modern office tower (right) now replacing it.

    I realised the long lasting memories we have are always the ones that are filled with happiness or sadness. Events that fill one with happiness, or sadness, will always be remembered because of the huge impact on one’s life.

    I should really write more about such memories, though I have many, many reservations about writing about the sad ones. It is like I am afraid. Revisiting sad memories will open too many cans of worms.

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  • Ramblings

    Managing It

    November 15, 2009

    So it will start this week.

    In the last couple of weeks, one of the things I realised is that everything needs to be managed.

    From managing my own management, to the client, to the people who is going to work for me, to the various departments within my company, everyone needs to be managed, and the way to managing each one differs.

    It is difficult, especially this is the first time I am working with most of the people that I need to manage. I have to learn how to communicate with them, the words that can and cannot be used, the tone etc. And after going through a couple of weeks, I can say it does not get easier.

    No matter how much I disapproved some of the people’s behaviour, or usage of words, or the attitude, I have to bite my tongue and think what is the best way to communicate to them. Like I told myself many times, trying to talk to stupid people and trying not to hurt their feelings by pointing out how stupid they are, is an art. I have to put my own personal feelings aside, especially when people keep trying to put me down, using hurtful words in an abusive tone. I have to control and manage my own emotions even though I know people thinks I am easy to bully. I have to keep telling myself that no matter how right I am, it does not count a single bit once I lose my temper. I have to keep reminding myself that I am above and beyond all these petty and narrow minded people, and if I was to step down to their level, then I am no better than them.

    I have to manage these people. And most of all, I have to manage myself.

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  • Ramblings

    My Ghost

    November 15, 2009

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    Lovers come and lovers go,
    Once they lived but now they’re ghosts,
    Walking the streets they used to know like shadows.

    People disappear every hour and every year,
    Sometimes I believe they’re here like shadows,
    Like shadows.

    Who can you trust, in this place?
    And whom can I put my faith?
    If you’re real, then show me now,
    Who you are.

    How can I love, without grace?
    Shine a light on your face,
    If you’re real, then show me now,
    Who you are.

    Blowing like a secret wind,
    Pouring on my naked skin,
    Like a river flowing in the ocean.

    And when I turn to see your face,
    I saw a joy I could not place,
    Vanishing without a trace,
    Like a shadow in the sun.

    Who can you trust, in this place?
    Where can I put my face?
    If god is love, then why the world the way it is?

    How can I love, without grace?
    Shine a light on your face,
    If you’re real then show me now,
    Who you are.

    My ghost.

    — My Ghost, Glass Pear

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  • Ramblings

    Pressure Is Building

    November 1, 2009

    Presto 01755 Pressure Cooker CannerI spent the last week working till 9-10pm at night, often the only one left in the office. There are thousand and one things to do, and sometimes I do not know where to start.

    I have to learn things fast, and sometimes on the spot. I have to learn how to calculate the pricing, the necessary paper work for resources request. I have to go through the contents of the contract, other related documents and so forth. Since this is the beginning, I know very well that a lot of people’s eyes are on me, and starting well will give them the confidence that I can cope well, and able to manage all these. As such, I double, triple take on everything I do, to ensure I do not make silly mistakes. Sure, it is a learning process for me, but that does not mean I can make that many mistakes.

    At night, it is impossible to sleep well, the physical body is tired, but mentally, my brain has yet to slow down from all the mental activities it had undertaken for the day. This is something I must work on, to be able to relax before I sleep, as I will need to be alert and well rested for the next day. I kept telling myself that I need to stay focus and motivated, as I will need the stamina to last for the whole duration.

    I also figured that by blogging about my experiences on this, regardless of good or bad experiences, will keep me motivated and prevent myself from making the same mistakes again.

    The pressure is building, and this is only the beginning.

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  • Ramblings

    Bring It On

    October 19, 2009

    So the second gate is finally opened last Friday.

    The feeling was more of a relief than happy. Partly because it took longer than expected, the few months delay were really painful, and partly because I know the actual work starts now. I remember reading somewhere about asking soldiers which part of the war they hated most, and most of them said it is the waiting before the combat starts that they hated.

    The tedious and painful learning process starts now. Mistakes will be made along the way, bad decisions will be made, I just hope that I learn something from all this, and the cost that I have to pay for the lessons learn will not be too much to pay for.

    So I just need to take in a deep breath, grit my teeth and say, ‘Bring it on!’

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  • Health,  Ramblings

    Endorphins

    October 5, 2009

    I needed it badly. In my mind, I was screaming for a drink. Instead, I decided to pound the treadmill. Struggling through the pain for almost an hour, I was almost in a state of bliss as the endorphins kicked in.

    I still went for that drink after though.

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