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March Sunset March Sunset -
Life
The more I think about things, the more I see no rhyme or reason in life. no one knows why some things work out and some things don’t. Why some of us are lucky and some of us get…
– Bella, Notting Hill
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One Lazy Saturday in March
It was pouring the whole day, and by evening the rain stopped. The skies cleared and visibility improved. Haze, which was present for the past few days, was gone.
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Passion
Came across a familiar looking name in a Tweet. Decided to google for that name. Google has been my friend for a very long time.
Google results confirmed what I thought. She was this popular lady in my junior college days. She was smart, pretty, nice and most importantly, she was a very good dancer. Half the boys then were drooling over her, myself included. It seems like she continued with her passion for dancing till now. She still dances, choreographs dance and found a career in dancing. She is married and with kids, and yet this passion for dancing continues to burn in her.
And then I look at myself, and thought of what passion was burning through me when I was much younger.
There was none.
Perhaps that is the problem with me. Perhaps what I am lacking now is the passion for something in life. Going through life without any clue to what I am doing, nor heading. Not enjoying what I am doing, or this life I am living.
I need to find that spark.
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Lessons Learnt
The past few months were a steep learning curve for me. I do not think I came out with flying colours, but lessons learnt are always useful.
Out of the many lessons learnt, there were two that were most memorable:
1) When I reach the age of 50, I better be prepared to be retrenched. I will ensure I am debt free, have alternate streams of income, and be ready to retire. It will happen to anyone, and I better be prepared for it. Thinking about it, in fact I should be aiming for retirement as of now. Time to relook at my finances and investments.
2) Health comes first. It will be too late when health is gone and I try to do something about it. Without health, everything else does not matter. Time to get back to the gym, and allocate time to exercising regularly. Eat healthy, think healthy.
Both of the lessons were learned from people around me, and it will be foolish to ignore it.
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Regrets
Tonight is one of those nights that I think back and wonder what did I do with my life? What have I gained? What have I lost?
Could be that I have no time nowadays to really think of anything else but work, perhaps it is really time for a change.
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Changes
It seems like this year will be a year of changes for me.What I thought I will be doing for this whole year has been changed. Due to many factors, the responsibilities for me this year has changed. People working with me and around me changed recently. I think this is a sign for another change. A change to ten years of being in one place.
Come the month of May, there will be another major change, and there is a series of changes as a result of that.
Am I afraid of changes? Searching within, I have to admit that I am worried of changes. Perhaps as one gets older, one is more resistant to change.
No matter what, changes are inevitable. For better or for worse, I will just have to meet these changes head on.
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
– John Lennon
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Last Night’s Dream
Last night’s dream reminded me of a certain song’s lyrics:I?m here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I?m here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it?s only you and me– Here Without You (3 Doors Down)
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Sheer Madness
If there are two words to describe the past three months, it will be ‘Sheer Madness’.It is sheer madness to work 12 to 15 hours a day. Not to mention I work at home too. The work just keep piling up.
It is sheer madness to face new problems, new obstacles every single day. Before I could find a solution to the previous day problems, I am looking at new problems for the day. Every single day. Every morning when I wake up, the first question that goes into my mind will be, ‘What new problems today?’. Every night before I sleep, I sigh at the unresolved problems for the day, and worry about what new problems next day will bring. Every single day, for the past three months.
It is sheer madness that no matter how hard I try, how flexible I am, how creative I think, how many problems I resolve, the client is never happy. And instead of assisting us so that the project can move forward and rollout in time, they throw everything at us, putting roadblocks everywhere, and just stop us from trying to do our job.
It is sheer madness how much inner strength I had left after all these. I do not think that I still have such a large reserve pool of strength. Too many times when I am on the verge of throwing in the towel yet somehow I still press on. But the question is when will this reserve pool runs dry too?
Sheer madness. When will all these end? When will I finally give up?
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Quitter
Totally feel like giving up. Quit. Enough of all these.
