• Ramblings

    Notting Hill

    August 6, 2010

    There is something magical about Notting Hill that makes me watch it every time it is shown on TV.

    Perhaps it is the chemistry between the actor and actress, perhaps it is the script, the lines spoken. Perhaps it is a simple love story.

    Perhaps in this life of mine where good things rarely happen, deep down I want to believe in that a fairy tale ending like in this movie, will happen to me too.

    The more I think about things, the more I see no rhyme or reason in life. no one knows why some things work out and some things don’t. Why some of us are lucky and some of us get…

    And the best line from the movie:

    I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

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  • Ramblings

    I Told You So

    August 5, 2010

    Not trying to sound like I am gloating, but I find it most apt by saying to you, ‘I told you so.’.

    Perhaps that is why you did not want to tell me what happened, because I already warned you about this. Do you believe he is really interested in you just because you had ‘good vibes’ with him? He was just making use of you.

    Knocking yourself against the wall once is fine, knocking yourself against the wall again and again is just plain stupid. Giving a reason like ‘This is the life I chose.’ does not justify your stupidity.

    As a friend, who is in a really unique position, all I can do is be there for you when you need me. But do not expect any sympathy from me, because I had already told you so.

    When will you learn?

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  • Ramblings

    Everything Changes

    July 13, 2010

    Everything changes. Does it not?

    Nothing is forever. I guess after what happened, I cannot expect everything to stay as it is. I know deep inside that nothing will be the same again. Honestly, I can try my utmost to convince myself that it is possible, but who am I kidding?

    With the passing of time, we will drift further and further apart, each of us pursuing the roads that we had chosen. Where once we travelled on the same path, step by step together, it is clear that our destinations are not the same. With each turn we both made, we moved further and further in the opposite direction. We may cross each other path’s in the future, but then the whole feel of it, will be vastly different from before.

    And while you are still close enough to hear me speak, I would like to wish the best for you, and hope you will find happiness.

    Everything changes. We only have our memories to cling onto.

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  • Ramblings

    Like A Hamster Running

    July 1, 2010

    Previously I had try to start on an exercise regime unsuccessfully. This time round, I manage to sustain one that had last almost 2 months so far, running around 2-3 times a week, a total of 16-25km each week.

    The benefits are obvious. I have lost 4 kg so far, I sleep better. I do not get tired easily, and I can do without the coffee after lunch. I wake up each morning feeling better than before.

    However, pounding the treadmill for more than half an hour gets boring after a while. I just cannot help keep having the image of a hamster running every time I get onto the treadmill.

    Anyway, hope this time round, I can continue with this regime. The benefits from exercising are just too many to ignore.

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  • Ramblings

    Careless With Feelings

    June 28, 2010

    He stares into the night sky. And thought of what was mentioned to him today.

    She is careless with her feelings.

    He sighs. She sure did. She took his feelings, embraced it fully, partake in it, enjoyed the sweetness of it all, and when finally confronted with the question, she rejected it totally. ‘I can’t help it’, she whispered.

    And then steps on him, and act as if his feelings for her never existed.

    She continues with her life, oblivious of his presence. Like a hunter who had just finished with her prey, she moves on, hunting for the next one.

    He stands in the distance, watching as she sniffs and sizes up her each of her new prey. He stands, suffering in silence.

    For while she was careless in her feelings, he was not.

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  • Ramblings

    Familiar Feeling

    June 20, 2010

    Laughing at the show on TV one moment. Crying the next.

    Trying to block out all thoughts. Failed. Memories come rushing back.

    In constant pain.

    Just want to stay in bed till Christmas next year.

    Familiar feeling. But it does not make it any easier.

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  • Ramblings

    Tired

    June 19, 2010

    So I asked. And I got the answer that I was expecting.

    Thousands of what-ifs ran through my mind. Images of you and me, vivid, conjured by an over-zealous creative mind, repeats itself endlessly. Sleep was not forthcoming.

    Kept slipping into denial mode, with thoughts of you actually contacting me, reversing your answer. Forced back to reality. Reality bites. And it also tore off a huge chunk of me.

    The familiar question ‘What have I done to deserve this?’ was asked again and again. If only I could escape to the realm of insanity, perhaps the pain will stop. How do one actually go crazy?

    This taunting, teasing, humiliation from Fate has to stop. Because I do not know how much more I can tolerate, how much more before I decide that I myself will put an end to all these. The pain, though familiar, gets harder and harder to endure each time. And I am running out of painkillers.

    I am tired. Tired of picking myself up each time, tired of going through the pieces, tired of sorting out my life through the pain. Tired of this mess that I am in. Tired of where my life is heading.

    Tired. Of everything.

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  • Ramblings

    Truly Love Someone

    June 9, 2010

    Everyone told me I was stupid to agree to your proposal.

    Perhaps it is because I owe you too much, and I always be in your debt.

    Perhaps it is because I could not fulfill my promise to you, to give you happiness, and this is one small way to make up to you.

    Or perhaps I finally understand by what it meant when you truly love someone, you just want her to be happy.

    I hope you really can find happiness.

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