• Ramblings

    Feel Again

    September 5, 2010

    I am always that kind of person who listens to music and seem to find great meaning in the songs even though there is none.

    I do not know if it is a sign, but after the recent incident, and what has been happening to me for the past few months, I discovered this song, Feel Again from Taio Cruz. The lyrics seem to be the telling me something.

    Feel Again Lyrics

    I believe that int ime my heart will heal again
    And I believe that in time my heart will feel again

    So I keep on holding on
    So I keep on being strong

    ‘Cause I know one thing I’m gonna feel again
    I know one day I’m gonna feel again
    And I know although my heart hurts now
    I’ll find a way to get up off the ground
    ‘Cause I know one thing I’m gonna feel again

    I believe that this heart of mine can make it through
    And I believe that my heart can make it over you

    So I keep on holding on
    So I keep on being strong

    ‘Cause I know one thing I’m gonna feel again
    I know one day I’m gonna feel again
    And I know although my heart hurts now
    I’ll find a way to get up off the ground
    ‘Cause I know one thing I’m gonna feel again

    And though it’s hard for me to breathe
    And even harder to believe
    I know the one thing I’m gonna find
    I’m gonna be just fine

    ‘Cause I know one day I’m gonna feel again
    I know one day I’m gonna feel again
    And I know although my heart hurts now
    I’ll find a way to get up off the ground
    ‘Cause I know one thing I’m gonna feel again

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  • Ramblings

    Right Decision

    September 4, 2010

    I always have this thought deep inside of me that if we had made the right decision. I always wondered if you had given up too soon, because you know I wanted to go on trying.

    With this morning’s incident, I guess it was the right decision. It was painful, no doubt, but I can see it now that it was really pointless to continue.

    You don’t deserve me. You deserve someone better.

    Aptly, the song ‘Little Lion Man’ plays on my iTunes as I wrote this.

    but it was not your fault but mine
    and it was your heart on the line
    I really fucked it up this time
    didn’t I, my dear?

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  • Ramblings

    I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud

    September 1, 2010

    I WANDERED lonely as a cloud
    That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
    When all at once I saw a crowd,
    A host, of golden daffodils;
    Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
    Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

    Continuous as the stars that shine
    And twinkle on the milky way,
    They stretched in never-ending line
    Along the margin of a bay:
    Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
    Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

    The waves beside them danced; but they
    Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
    A poet could not but be gay,
    In such a jocund company:
    I gazed–and gazed–but little thought
    What wealth the show to me had brought:

    For oft, when on my couch I lie
    In vacant or in pensive mood,
    They flash upon that inward eye
    Which is the bliss of solitude;
    And then my heart with pleasure fills,
    And dances with the daffodils.

    – William Wordsworth

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  • Ramblings

    I Want A Job

    August 31, 2010

    “I want a job that makes an impact to other people so that I can leave a legacy behind.”

    I raised my eyebrows, this was spoken by a colleague who was known to be somewhat of a slacker. He is brilliant, but is widely regarded as someone who was not very ambitious, and thus only works the bare minimum.

    “If I cannot get a job that makes me very rich, at least I want a job that I can create an impact. Like creating a computer application that everyone uses, or create the special effects for a movie like Avatar.” He continued.

    I nod my head. I want a job that I am happy doing, and if I am unhappy doing it, I want a job that really pays me well. I had never thought of wanting a job that can create an impact, and leaving a legacy behind.

    “Sometimes wanting and reality is very different. How many people can get a job they really want?” I replied. He sighs and nods his head in agreement.

    And I sigh too.

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  • Ramblings

    Microblogging

    August 23, 2010

    Read an article at TechCrunch today, regarding the rise of microblogging and the demise of blogging.

    but look at anyone’s Twitter account and it’s the same story – 140 characters simply doesn’t give enough depth or breadth to commit events, memories or feelings to the permanent record.

    How true.

    Blogging forces me to revisit events, no matter how painful they are, and put them in words, in a logical manner. It helps me to put things into perspective, and also offer an outlet for me to vent. Twitter is more like IRC to me, than blogging.

    Of course, I blog much, much less than I twit. Blogging is emotional tiring when the topic is about something close to heart, something painful. It is never easy to revisit painful moments twice, and mostly, I would rather just pretend those incidents never happen. As such, I would prefer not to blog about painful, emotional draining incidents. Also, a one liner sometimes has more impact than a full length blog post.

    Thinking aloud, perhaps I should blog less about personal issues, that might increase my blogging frequency. Besides, I can never know who is reading my blog.

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  • Ramblings

    Too Much To Ask For?

    August 18, 2010

    I am not asking for too much. I just want to be your friend, be there when you need me, and in the shadows when you do not. Always available to have drinks if you require, to have lunch and dinner with you if you allow me.

    Is that too much to ask for?

    If it was, why did you not tell me that when I said all these to you? Why do you have to hurt me, again and again? It was really a mixture of anger and hurt, and I know what is left now is hurt. Because I can never be angry with you for long. What is left is pain, a pain so great that I only know of two ways to numb it. One is to intoxicate myself, so I can get some sleep, to have a brief respite from the pain. The other, a more permanent solution, is to just end this miserable life of mine.

    I am not asking for good things to happen to me, I just do not want the painful things to happen to me. Because, you know, I have enough of pain to last me for the next ten lives.

    Is that really too much to ask for?

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  • Ramblings

    People Like Us

    August 10, 2010

    People like us will not fall in love easily, because when we do, we literally throw ourselves into the relationship. And because of this, we also get hurt badly. And because we get hurt badly, we tend not to fall in love easily.

    I understand how it feels when you said that when the relationship ended, you view the whole world in black and white, that you cannot stop thinking of him, that you cry every second, that you walk like a zombie. How you wanted to end it all just to stop the pain, how you just want to dash across the road because the pain and sadness were just too much to bear.

    I understand because, I was once in your shoes.

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