“I am holding back, because I am afraid. I am afraid that if I keep pushing forward, I will cross this imaginary line. A line that once crossed, will bring great pain and hurt if things do not work out.
I still remember the last time it happened, the excruciating pain, the emptiness, the hurt, the tears.
I believe I am still afraid.”
There is no update on this blog, mainly because everything is still the same.
Work, eat, sleep. Rinse, repeat.
I am just shuffling aimlessly. One direction seems to be just like the other. There is no objective, no destination.
And hence, there is no life.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Macbeth, Act V Scene V
via stripped bare
Health:
Drink plenty of water.
Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
Live with the 3 E’s – Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
Play more games.
Read more books than you did in 2010.
Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
Sleep for 7 hours.
Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.
Personality:
Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
Dream more while you are awake.
Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
Smile and laugh more.
You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
Society:
Call your family often.
Each day give something good to others.
Forgive everyone for everything.
Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
Try to make at least three people smile each day.
What other people think of you is none of your business.
Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
Life:
Do the right thing!
Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
The best is yet to come.
Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
It was Sunday. The sun was in the skies, and the skies were of the nicest hue of blue.
I brought Kirby to the dog run, where he enjoyed himself thoroughly sniffing at other dog’s butt. I made some small talk with a foreigner, Italian I think, about his pair of gorgeous dogs.
After it got a bit too hot, I left the dog run, going to a nearby McDonald’s drive-thru to pick up my lunch.
It was on the way back that I realised I used to do this Down Under, and while it was boring, I am contended, and happy. This is how weekends should be like, away from the crowd, enjoying the sun and the peace. Recharging for the week ahead.
The only thing missing was sharing all these with someone.
Got this from somewhere :
1. Life is too short to be consumed by any hint of negativity.
2. If it is a negative experience, immediately leave. You control your environment.
3. Surround yourself with love and positiveness.
4. We have all experienced injustices in our life. Choose to overcome them.
5. The path you’ve chosen isn’t an easy one. Sometimes you have to be torn down in order to lay a new foundation.
6. Never speak ill of the wrong or negative person. It takes you down to their level.
7. Take the high road.
8. Learn from this experience.
9. Take a deep breath. If no one died, all will be okay.
10. Happiness is a choice. Happiness is contagious, so start now.
Do it for yourself and do it better.
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
– Winston Churchill
“Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe. “ – The Sandman
I set in front of the PC, randomly surfing sites, absorbing useless bits of information.
A cold air brushed my face, sending shivers down my spine. The familiar figure set down beside me.
“Hello there, it’s been a long time.”
I sighed and nodded my head.
“Did you miss me?”
I sighed again and answered, “Not really no. I don’t think anyone will miss you, Despair.”
Despair grinned, “As a matter of fact, some do.”
“Well I don’t. So please leave.”
“You know that I don’t actually leave. I am always here beside you, hiding in the background, or in nights like this, I appear from the shadows when you miss me.”
“I said before, I do not miss you.”
“Oh yes you do. Every time you miss me, I will appear. Your thoughts of me give me the power to appear from the shadows, to become real, to sit beside you. You can deny all you want, but I know you know, because I am in your heart. I know how you feel.”
I sat in silence. The familiar dull throbbing pain in the heart is back again.
“Painful isn’t it?”
There was no point denying that. The pain was causing tears to well up in my eyes.
“The scars in your heart are more evident tonight. I can see it.”
I nodded. I sighed again. “The scars in my heart, they don’t heal. The pain is always there, and I have since learnt to endure it, ignore it. “
Despair chuckled, “But on nights like this, the pain resurfaces. And it is just too painful for you to ignore it. Which is why I am here now.”
I kept quiet.
Despair chuckled again, “And tonight, there is someone else here.”
I turned my head and realised Regret had just shown up.
Regret said in a sad voice, “I was beginning to think you had forgotten me.”
Obviously I didn’t. The pain in my heart started to pierce through my heart. The pain was becoming more unbearable. And then as if the room was not crowded enough, the familiar feeling of heaviness on my shoulders appeared.
Sadness sat there looking at me silently, watching as the tears in my eyes rushed down my cheeks.
The scars I had, they don’t go away. Every major or minor setback episode leaves a permanent scar in me, one that never heals. I can learn to ignore the pain, I can strengthen myself to endure it, but it will never leave, it is always there.
And because the scars are within me, only me, and no one else, can learn to ignore it, endure it. They are mine, and mine only. Only I can deal with the internal demons that comes with it. On nights like this when I let my guard down, my internal demons run free, the scars become more evident, the pain becomes more unbearable.
Despair, Regret and Sadness looked at me as if they understood. Then they crept closer.
I sighed again one more time. It was going to be a long night.
There is a strange comforting feel when I am playing WoW.
Everything is so systematic, so logical. Go there, kill 10 of this, go here, get this. Upon completion, you get this and that. To purchase this upgrade, you need x number of this. To get x number of this, you farm y number of that.
Perhaps that is what I want in my life now. Boring, logical, routine.
I had gone back to WoW, surrendering myself happily into its embrace.
“And while one window is closed, another window opens.”
I hope so.