I just went through a week that I labelled it as ‘Hell Week’ for me. Last week I was told that I will be the person to be presenting a full day demonstration to the client when I thought I was just going to sit in and listen. And on top of that, it was for a product that I have minimal knowledge of.

The team that was responsible for setting up the demonstration, and to their credit, did one hell of a job. After going through with them on the whole setup in half a day, I could see that they were well prepared, which does not necessary settled the butterflies in my stomach. The next day was a full day dry run in front of my big boss, who was very helpful in giving the team constructive pointers. So one and a half day of preparation. Definitely not going to be sufficient for me.

On the actual day of the demonstration, I woke up feeling nauseous and tired. I had not sleep well for a few nights, and the feeling of wanting to vomit was not helping. I kept telling myself, ‘Don’t choke. Don’t choke.’, but I was still feeling thoroughly sick and really nervous.

Throughout the whole demonstration itself, I was lucky to have the whole team of colleagues and my bosses helping me. It went pretty smoothly. I set down in a daze, let out a huge sigh of relief at the end. I was pretty satisfied with myself, and how the whole session went. The few feedbacks we managed to gather at the end seems to confirm that.

The most important thing for me is that I did not choke.

**choking refers to a decrease in performance due to perceived stress. First came across this term when raiding in World of Warcraft.

Busy.

One word that I use to describe what is happening to me for the past few weeks.

With additional responsibilities thrown onto my shoulders, I find myself working. And working. Days pass by like whirlwind, time does not mean anything to me. I only know the work that needs to be done, and planned. I only know when it is time to wake up, when it is time to eat, when it is time to go home, and when it is time to sleep.

I feel numb.

Perhaps when I start to slow down, I might question myself if this is all worth it. I suspect though, that the only one word answer I will get is, ‘Meaningless’.

In the meantime, I work. I am busy.

Some ramblings about the economy crisis.

1) My colleague who used to complain that he has no time, and very busy, suddenly requested that the company do not employ any more staff, and instead he will take on any of the tasks that are planned. I mean, should not he be actually having this kind of attitude from the very beginning and not just wait till there is a threat of retrenchment before adopting this kind of positive attitude?

2) I was remarking to my friend who worked in the public sector about how I am worried about my job due to this economy crisis. His response was, ‘Yah. I wonder if my bonus will be affected.’ I mean here I am worrying about whether I will still have a job and he is there worrying about his bonuses. Main difference between working in the public sector and private sector I guess. And yes, he is still going ahead on getting a new car.

So he did keep his promise. Now I just need to cross my fingers and hope they do not reject it again. The 2 reasons given last year will not be valid this year.

I hope.

So the new Project Manager came in like 2 weeks ago.

The previous one did not do himself any favours by immediately emailing all the stakeholders about the new guy taking over him. Granted that he was asked to take over the position temporary, granted he was feeling unhappy doing something that was not part of his KPI, but the least he could do was to wait for a few days. Besides, I have been helping him out, taking a lot of burden off his shoulders, things were easier for him. If it was not the fact that I willing helped him because I wanted to gain project management experience, I would have kicked up a storm over it.

I heard that there was a big hoo-ha as the client was firmly against the idea of introducing a new major risk at this critical point in the project. So I guess in the end, it did reflect very badly on him.

So far the new PM is doing pretty well, but I have the feeling he was just testing water, slowly probing, slowly learning. Which is not a bad thing actually when it comes to managing a project.

The plan for me next year seems to be 2 months in Malaysia, and at least another 2 months in Thailand. If everything goes according to plan, which I have learned that it is never so. So far, the short trips to Thailand are bearable, but I am not too sure how I should feel after learning that I will be there for at least 2 months. One thing is for sure, I can never get used to the hot and humid weather there, and this is coming from me being in Singapore.

I am also very concerned regarding the economy crisis gripping the world now. I am pretty sure there will be a few rounds of retrenchments, so yes, I am worried, enough to keep me thinking about it pretty often. Sure hope this crisis ends soon.

It was a tiring trip, the weather was sapping my energy, and the juggling between a full day session and another project back in Singapore was really killing me.

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And I pity those elephants that the Thais used to earn money on the crowded roads of Bangkok. They should be happily roaming in the wild, not being driven by someone on his back along the roads, with cars so close to them. Their sad eyes seem to tell me that they are resigned to the fact that they will never be free.

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I checked the hotel invoice, found some discrepancy, and got them to reprint it again. Smiling smugly to myself, I forgot to check the reprinted invoice again. The hotel had charged me for an extra night.

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Did not realise there was a bloody riot going on the day I left Bangkok. I was mildly frustrated when I had to go through another security check upon landing in Changi Airport, thinking it was just to be cautious. It was only when my mother called me to make sure I was fine as I was about to board the taxi that I realised there was a riot. The area around my hotel in Bangkok was calm, and I saw no panic nor fear in the Thais I met.

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I have to go back to Bangkok again.