A few days ago I was checking my emails from an email account which I hardly used. It was only then I realised that the husband of the woman who unfortunately passed away in the Mumbai attacks, attended the same secondary school in the same year that I was in.

Decided to check out some of the respective groups in Facebook. The people that I remembered seems to be doing very well, there was one who moved to UK and published two books on the gay community in Singapore, another one was a corporate lawyer who was actively involved in the local poetry scene and environment conservation. A few were overseas, holding high positions in big corporate companies.

And then I looked at myself and I wonder.

While not doing too badly, it seems like I also have not been achieving much either. Too many wrong choices, too many wrong roads taken, and the times when I was on the right road, it seems something always happened to sway me to the wrong one.

Regrets. I have so many of them that if I stacked them together, it will reach all the way to the moon. And back.

I wished I had studied more. I wished I had focus. I wished I did not screwed up that much. I wished. I wished.

Of course, with more than half of my lifespan gone, I could just be going through a midlife crisis. Whatever it is, I do want to make the most of my other half of my lifespan, and achieve more. The problem is now asking myself, what I want to achieve. And I suspect the answer to that question requires me to look back and wonder.