I wish I could blog in Chinese instead of going through this tedious way.
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Letting Go
Many years ago, I came across this story of two monks. It goes like this:
An old monk and a young monk were traveling together. They came to this river where the water was flowing very swiftly. There was a very pretty lady standing beside it. The lady asked the two monks if they could carry her on their back to cross the river. The young monk who thought that it was totally inappropriate to touch the lady wanted to turn her down. But the old monk smiled cheerfully and offered to carry her.
So the old monk carried the lady on his back and cross the river. Once they crossed the river, the lady offered her thanks, went her separate way, and the two monk continued their journey. As they walked, the young monk was furious. He was wondering how could the old monk, who was such a religious person, who chant many times a day, could even allow himself to touch the lady. The more he thought about it, the more furious he was. After a while, he couldn’t control himself any longer and reprimanded the old monk.
“How you could allow yourself, a religious man, to touch a woman and even carry her on your back?”, the young man demanded.
The old monk blinked, and looked astonished. “Which woman are you referring to?”, he asked.
The young monk grew even more angry, how could he pretend nothing had happened? “The one at the river!”, he almost shouted.
The old monk smiled, “Oh that lady! I have already let her off my back and forgotten about her. It seems you are the one still carrying her on your back.”
While the story has to do with Buddhism teaching, I believe the moral of the story applies to everyone. I believe it is only when we allow ourselves to forgive, we will be able to accept what happened, and that is when we can truly move on and embrace fully what life has to offer. If we try to move on with the burden of the past on our backs, eventually it will weigh us down, it becomes tiring, we cannot fully appreciate what life has to offer as we are constantly conscious of this burden on our backs.
There are many incidents that happened in my life, and I was furious and hurt at the people responsible when it happened. Some of them, well I have forgiven them, and as for the rest, I am working towards it. There are a couple that I thought I had let go, thought that I have moved on, but in reality, I was still very much carrying it on my back.
It is when I no longer carry anything on my back, that I can move forward and fully embrace my life.
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Life Game
Just watched ‘Wreck-It Ralph‘.
It is a pretty good movie, based on the plot of someone who is sick of being who he is, and wants to be something that he isn’t. The references to the video and arcade games are plenty, and it clearly mirrors life. At the end of the movie, it got me thinking, which I usually do after watching good movies. Perhaps I should be not worry too much about being someone whom I am not, perhaps I should just be me, and not worried how everyone else perceived me.
Like Wreck-It Ralph said, ‘Because if that little kid likes me, how bad can I be?” As long as someone out there likes me, isn’t that enough?
Shakespeare said, ‘All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.’ Well I think life is but a game, and we are just the characters in this game called ‘Life Game’.
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Japanese Anime
I thank you, among other things, for introducing me to Japanese anime. I sometimes wish we could still sit side by side watching anime together.
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Old Sins
Old sins cast long shadows.
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Two Threads
Our lives are like two threads interwoven together, yet we walk separate paths.
We know each other so well, we are on the same wavelength, we know the likes, dislikes of the other, lines of conversations spoken just with one glance, we could talk anything under the sun for as long as we wanted. Yet we walk separate paths.
Is this fate? Is this destiny?
Two threads of lives, tightly interwoven together.
Yet we walk separate paths.
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Penance
penance – voluntary self-punishment to atone for a sin, crime, etc
It was a subplot in the series ‘Elementary‘, and it seems Sherlock had a drug addiction because he wanted to numb himself from all other feelings, due to something that happened back in London. Sherlock said ‘You always know it, Watson. If you didn’t, it wouldn’t be penance.’
And I can totally relate to that.
I looked back at my life and during the major down points, I always blame myself for the state of things. I may not acknowledge what I did thereafter was penance, but deep down, subconsciously, I always know.
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Friend
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Reflections 2012
I did the same for 2010, and 2011. I think doing reflections for the year on the last day is in a way beneficial. It enables me to reflect on the good things that had happened, the mistakes that I made, and the plans for the new year.
Comparing with 2010 and 2011, I am beginning to see the light in 2012. When it comes to career, I finally left the company that I was with for more than a decade. There was much apprehension and doubt before I decided to finally take the plunge. It was not an easy decision to make, especially when I was with the same company for so long. However, the career progression was stagnant, and while there was a change in management, I will be doing the same stuff in the near future. I wanted to try something new, and to see how it is like out there. Besides, I have enough with the monetary part, no bonuses for more than a decade, no salary increment in like half of those years that I was there. I was really falling behind my peers when it comes to not just career progression, but also my salary package. I was also encouraged by the fact that I was offered my job back if things do not work well in my new place, though I am not sure if I would have taken up the offer.
The new job comes with more responsibilities, and so far, it was what they had promised me during the rounds of interview. I am traveling more, working with people from all over the world, and managing projects regionally. While the company is not that big locally, it is huge globally. Like I mentioned to my boss during my annual review, I am definitely happier here than my old place. Also, I have learned my mistakes made previously and tried not to repeat them here. In a way, perhaps not able to jump ship in 2011 due to a lost opportunity was a blessing in disguise. Hopefully this will continue to improve. I have lots of catching up to do.
I also managed to start exercising again, though it was pretty late in the year, November in fact, when I started. However, this spell looks good, it has been two months and I have not been slacking off. I feel less tired, more energetic, and requires less hours of sleep. The weight loss has been marginal, though I am exercising mainly for health reasons. I am also eating healthier food, with more intake of fruits and vegetables, and less salt and junk food.
In other areas, things have be pretty stagnant. Due to procrastination, I have yet to take the examinations for a course that I took this year. I should have done it, instead I kept pushing it back by telling myself that I need time to settle down in my new job. Actually I was just lazy. Based on this experience, I am not too sure if I can go ahead with the other plan of getting a MBA.
I also travelled more in 2012, mostly for work, though not all to the countries that I want to go. For the new year, i want to travel more for leisure, while definitely keeping the costs down on these trips.
2012 was a year where I think I took quite a laid lack look at life, taking things slowly and not getting all worked up and emotional over a lot of stuff. Perhaps it is due to age, or perhaps it is a change in perception to ‘live and let live’.
For next year, I am planning for more self growth, be it in terms of health, or emotionally, or intellectually. I want to participate in a running event at least once, be it 10km or 21km run. I want to continue with my healthy lifestyle, exercising regularly and eating healthier food. I want to pass my exams and get certified, and perhaps re-examine what other avenues are available besides MBA. I want to write more, and read more. I had set out a target of at least 50 books read in this year, and ended up not even reading 5 books. I also need to really manage my finances better, instead of just planning but not following through. Perhaps there is something else that I need to get a confirmation to see where it is going. And I want to plan monthly, and not just in the beginning of the year. I also need to track my progress regularly, and not once in a blue moon. Also, I should explore contributing back to the society or the world in 2013. Perhaps look at some way of volunteering for issues that I strongly believe in, like animal and nature conservation.
I think if I visualise the whole year as a game, then it will be easier for me. Perhaps visualising each item as an achievement, and when I achieved it, I should indicate visually somewhere as a reward, something like how Nike tracks my runs, or how World of Warcraft rewards me after multiple hours of farming. But no matter what, I should not waste any single second of my life anymore. I need to spend time constructively.
So if the proudest achievements of 2010 and 2011 were that I survived, then my proudest achievement of 2012 is one of that not only I survived, but baby steps have been taken.
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Today