As I sit in the cramped seat on the plane thousands of feet in the air, and after having the usual bland airplane food, I decided to do some reflections for the year 2010. 

2010 was not a good year in any way for me. It was a year of hardship, road blocks and setbacks. It was a year of closures with no new openings in sight. It was a year of sadness with a little dash of happiness sprinkled throughout the days. 

In terms of work, the previous few years of relatively smooth sailing was finally brought to a halt. Obstacles were encountered and I was find lacking when it matters most. On hindsight I could have performed better but I most of it was due to me lacking in experience. It got slightly better in the second half of the year but which also got me thinking if this is the career path that I really want to pursue. There was a few points throughout where I almost quit without a job, but in the end the thought of unable to get a job for a few months made me drop the idea. I think in order to move forward the next year in my career, I really need to sort out what I really want to do. The sad thing is I have absolutely no idea as of now. 

I am not a man of closures, as in I do not need to perform literal acts, like burning photographs or deleting all messages, in order to close off chapters in my life. However 2010 was considered a year of closure for me, finally ending a massive chapter in my life. Ending chapters in life usually mean writing new chapters, unfortunately in this case for me, there were none. There was briefly a new chapter that was almost written, but instead, it led to sadness and pain. To make it even sadder, I am still clinging on. I suspect in order to really write a new chapter, I need to sort out this mess, else I will always be stuck in this void, where a chapter had been close with no new chapter in sight. 

I am not too sure what I could have done better. Perhaps I really need to control my feelings tighter, I really need to learn guard my feelings more. I do not think I could hold back my emotions once I let it go, and as such, the key is not to open my heart so easily instead. 

Work wise I really need to understand this thing call perception. Smart and hard work comes hand in hand with the perception people have of you, especially your boss. You may work smart and hard, but if people’s perception of you is otherwise, then no matter how much you try, it is not going to work.

One good thing that I should continue the next year will be self growth. No people is going to be responsible for your own development and growing as a person is my responsibility. I manage to attain some self growth in the last quarter of the year, and I should maintain this momentum the next year, until this self growth thing becomes a habit. 

A lot has happened in the year 2010, most it really unpleasant. But what does not kill me, is going to make me stronger. Many people will seek professional help, or goes into depression if they had encountered even a quarter of what I went through in 2010, but I survived. So at least that is something to be proud of. 

I should write another post on 2011 new year’s resolution soon.