Fear Of The Unknown

In addition to having more responsibilities pushed to me recently, I was informed that I might be managing my own project.

My own project. And I will be managing it.

It is still uncertain though. There are just too many variables. But this is the first time I was informed that I might be managing a project.

The first thought that came to my mind was that if I am ready to manage a project. And the answer from within me came back almost immediately, in giant blinking neon letters and many exclamation marks behind, ‘NO’.

I continue to ponder about it for the next few days. If I am not ready now, when will I ever be ready? If I do not do it now, when will the next opportunity comes again? Like my friend advised me, experience is not something that is gained by sitting down and doing nothing. It is something that you accumulate by doing it. It is something that is the result of mistakes make. The more I think about it, the more I am incline to grab this chance.

Then why the big ‘NO’ initially? I put it down to my fear of the unknown. The fear of change. I have been in a comfort zone without realising it. The big NO was my body’s natural response, natural resistance to the notion of change, the notion of not knowing what lies ahead. And it could be because I have this self doubt if I am good enough, if I can do this. A mixture of fear of unknown, change and self doubt.

After figuring this out, it is up to me to manage the fear and self doubt. It is up to me to put in place measures to ensure that I am ready, I am capable to do it.

I should probably know for sure if I am getting this role in two months’ time.