A question was asked. I knew the answer in my heart. Before I knew it, I broke into a smile.
And as quickly as it came, the smile was gone. I know that feeling. It is a pleasant feeling that forces me into a smile, a warm feeling that flows through the body. A nice feeling.
I deny it of course. I have reasons to deny it. Lots of it.
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It was a familiar scene. Working from morning to night for close to 15 hours, performing planned project activities. It was made easier when my co-workers are cheerful, and knew what they are doing.
However, something was missing. The feeling of being motivated. The drive to succeed and perform well. I accomplished my tasks methodically. Without emotions. And at the end of it, there was no sense of accomplishment. Nothing.
It seems like I have lost the drive. I do not know if it is temporary, or it is gone forever. But if the feeling persists when the economy starts to recover, I will have to seriously consider what I want to do.
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I was informed I will be going to Bangkok next week. It will be a demonstration that I am going to show to the top management of the bank. The feeling of screwing it up big time comes back to me again. I get that nagging feeling each time. It gets so bad I was having nightmares of it last night.
Why? I have done this before a few times. It should get easier. But each time I get that feeling that something is going to happen. Something bad. Why?
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Too much feelings nowadays.
